I’ve been helping out on this community radio show in my home town for donkey’s years, since I was about 13 or 14. And although that sounds nifty on my CV, I’ve always figured it’s fairly simple. I just turn up and talk on the show with the co-presenters, people I already know and I do a few extra things like News and Weather… When I was younger I was even more awkward than I can be (on bad days) now, but the others could spin anything like that into humour, so it wasn’t a big deal.
Not having the responsibilities of being in charge of the show helps.
The only problem is that the main guy goes on holiday every August, and every summer since I turned 18 likes to try and talk me into standing in as the main presenter. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to be on holiday at the same time and be unable to do it. Other times I just find an excuse. I led a show last year with two of the others. It worked out well; I’d maybe rate it 6/10. Having to lead it makes me quite anxious because this means that it’s my responsibility to come up with conversation starters and sound charismatic about it on air (and it’s one thing to start conversations, quite another to simultaneously be charismatic, in my case!)
In short, I had to lead last night, but it we Continue reading “Reluctantly Leading a Radio Show”
…Technically yesterday, because I just looked at the time and it’s 1:30am.
So yeah, I didn’t really feel nervous in the build up to it. Frankly I was looking forward to the openness of being around other students at my uni with anxiety. Although I may have freaked out slightly about 10 minutes before when I wanted to just triple check the lecture theatre it was in on the uni emails and the system was glitching and not giving me access. But after going to The Base and uncomfortably asking the receptionist to double check, I got to the right place and was on time.
I put on a very collected demeanor and walked into the lecture theatre. I noticed a lot of students sitting there looking absolutely on edge. I didn’t see anyone I recognised, which was a bit disapointing. I wrote a name badge and took a questionnaire and sat down on one of the front rows. There was a girl sitting on her own there and I internally debated whether to go by the usual unspoken rule of l Continue reading “First Group CBT Thing was Today”
So I got invited to join some group CBT sessions the the university are doing on Wednesdays for the next three weeks. Initially I freaked out when I opened the email, as it was completely unexpected, but now I’m feeling pretty positive about it. It will be something new and not unwelcome to be in a group of people my own age who have this kind of thing, not having to feel apologetic if I’m shy with new people because that’s kind of the issue we’re here about. Heck, I might even make friends. Or everyone will just be horrendously awkward with each other, including me. I can imagine a lot of the other people coming will be bricking it. Either way “It’ll be an experience” eh?
So it feels like ages since I last posted. In a nutshell what has happened since then is I finished CBT for social anxiety, I had end of year exams which stressed me out a lot considering they don’t even count towards my degree, my internship got postponed until next summer, I finished first year (and sort of fell for someone in the last few weeks, round of applause for me…) and I came home for the summer.
In a nutshell. But you know I never just write “In a Nutshell”!
On the SA front: I finished CBT after 10 sessions, and it seems to me like I can barely remember the stuff I learnt but somehow anxiety improved a lot anyway. I’ve practically written a book from the notebook/diary thingy I had to keep documenting all the situations that happened which caused me anxiety. The psychologist guy read it every week, and towards the end he said there was a Continue reading “End of first year, CBT… General Positivity (really scraping the barrel for a title here, can you tell?)”
Here are the crazy positive and negative thoughts that were spinning round my head in the run up to the interview which I mentioned in my last post. I wrote them down in a book which I keep to show me where my thinking is going wrong or right. It is full of terrible syntax and grammar, for which I apologise! That’s because writing as I think makes sure I don’t cut anything important out. So, if you care to read a long-winded back and forth about nervousness, you can make of it what you will!
Just found out I might have a Skype interview next Tuesday and I’m terrified (even though last time I did one it went well)
Maybe if I think about this interview with an assumption that they’re probably going to accept me unless I say something absolutely shocking, I can jinx myself into feeling confident.
I mean essentially they’d be hiring me to do free labour anyway, it’s not like a long term paid job, is it?
I don’t know if this is the right approach but I’ll give it a go.
…And I get 2 more chances even if I do fail this one. But I still want to do my best.
I’m still doing a good job of keeping a cool head about the approaching skype interview.
But actually I will be so, so relieved when it’s over. I hope I pass this interview just so I won’t have to do another one with some o Continue reading “A Process of Nerves, aka “Stop Introverting and Go to Bed””
I moved to university last Saturday dreading Fresher’s Week; Now it is Tuesday and I couldn’t be happier with the way things are going!
I don’t know where my social anxiety has disappeared to! I know it will probably be back soon but right now in the most socially demanding week of the university year I feel just fine.
I love my flatmates– there are 7 of us and we get along really well. 3 of us are planning to get the bus into town and go shopping next week. Lancaster is a beautiful city, although I haven’t explored it much yet. It’s only small, town-size really. It has a castle and all the buildings look quaint and old. I’m really into History as well so living in a historical city like this is a bonus for me.
On the first day our Fresher’s Reps got us all together in the kitchen to play ice-breaking games, the first event I was dreading. Incredibly, I didn’t get shy and awkward and say lame things like I usually do. We went to the college bar Continue reading “Part-Way Through Fresher’s Week”