I figured I might as well use this to log my experience with the medication I’ve been taking for anxiety.
This first week hasn’t been so hot for me, but I already knew that antidepressants can make it feel worse before it gets better.
- I have had points where I’ve felt extremely anxious, on a new level than what I am used to. Most of this anxiety is not actually social anxiety but general worries about the future and worries about academic work which leads me on to the next one…
- My creativity has gone to pot and I am finding it extremely hard to write essays which are due after Christmas. The first night I had this was while I was experiencing a near hysterical level of anxiety about the future, so I couldn’t tell if the fact I was suddenly finding the act of stringing a sentence together a mammoth task was because of the anxiety or the medication. It might have been a mix of both but I guess you can’t really know can you? But I did some googling and found one of the side effects of this medication can be a reduced creativity for a while. I am a natural writer– writing comes almost as naturally to me as breathing– so to experience this has been terrifying. It was like experiencing for the first time what it must be like to be a person who struggles with their writing skills (which is all very interesting on an abstract level but not at all convenient as an English student with essays to write, ya know?)
- I’ve been very tired and yawning every day, even after having plenty of sleep. I have actually been feeling tired at normal-people hours like 10pm and 11pm (shock horror), which is usually the time of day when I am wide awake and get the most work done. I’ve also been struggling to get out of bed on a morning (I’m not a morning person so this isn’t entirely uncharacteristic for me, but it still seems quite a lot harder than usual)
That’s it really. No other physical symptoms like sickness or headaches, so that’s good at least. Really not feeling this increased anxiety at all though. But I’m just trying to keep the long term goal in mind so I’m determined not to give up on the meds at the moment. Sorry about the lack of positivity in this post, my hope is that things will start picking up after a week or two and that this will compensate for this.
*Afternotes: #1 is debateable because maybe I would be more anxious even without the meds, I can’t definitively tell. #2 is debateable because I haven’t had any trouble writing this blog post in terms of creativity, but maybe subjective experience like this is just that much easier to write about, who knows? #3 is very definite though, no counter-arguments to offer here.